Oh hi there.
It's weird making a sudden, shameless comeback after what seemed like ages of not updating my blog. Life's been happening. Alot. and I don't know where to begin. But honestly what made me go to the extend of dusting off my laptop and getting my fingers accustomed to the keyboard again is cus I just needed an outlet.
Have you ever had one of those days where one minute you're really happy and the next, all the littlest things put you off?. They say it's okay to feel the things you feel, the happiness when you get an ice cream, the hurt from being taken for granted, the regret for not studying hard enough for a test, or the jealousy and envy you know you shouldn't harbor. In these situations, its the matter of the head and heart. or the Good and bad. Not that being anything other than happy is bad.
We're all human. Why do feelings exist when we can't feel them? When society and people around you instill this invisible pressure or stigma in you, telling you that happiness should be a default emotion for everyone . This just isn't right. You need to go out there and feel. Feel every once of chemical that's been produced from your body. That's only natural. Why are we always told to hide our deepest fears and emotions and why are we only allowed to feel 'happiness'?
In order to grow, to survive and to move on, one has to go through and experience all the grievances and sorrows and negative feelings before one can actually appreciate happiness when it arrives . Don't hide it. I'm never an advocate of hiding how I feel. There will come a time in a day where I just don't necessarily feel like talking. It's rarely ever personal . It's just something between my own head and everything that's going on around me. I need time to put things into perspective again. Being in Medical school has taught me a whole lot of things that can last me a lifetime. As the name suggests, you guessed it. The stress intensifies with time. More expectations to live up to and being in between exams never really help. But I chose this path and I'm gonna rise up to the occasion as best I can. These are the crucial moments where things will test my patience and emotional strength . With that said, it's close to impossible if I do not feel a myriad of emotions that I wish I could understand . Most often than not, I don't. It frustrates me alot that I can't figure out myself sometimes but with time, I slowly accept the way I am and how I'm just like everyone else . Everyone else who has feelings and who deserves the same amount of respect and love.
It's a battle between the head and the heart. It always has been. Well, for me at least. I don't even know if this is my heart or head putting my thoughts and feelings into words right now as I tap away on my keyboard. Whatever the emotions may be, I hope you give yourself a chance to feel all that. Don't worry about the people around you. As long as your emotions don't cause adverse effects or endanger the lives of others; go for it. Those that matter, don't mind. And those that mind, who cares. ;)
Don't deny your emotions the liberty of expression. Life is about experiencing the ups and downs. It can all be achieved only if you allow yourself to feel and maybe when your head and heart have finally come to a consensus maybe then, true happiness will find its way back again. x
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